margolynndill @ gmail. com
Books and Writing by Margo L. Dill (aka Margo Lynn)
There are more divorces than marriages in the world. The reasons why this is happening at such a rapid rate are still being studied. Yet if more people are getting divorced, there are still some strategies to attempt before your marriage ends. What can be looked at are some preventative measures. Taking it slow, spending time apart, and working on communication skills may be what you need to save your marriage from divorce.
Acknowledge the Deterioration
Notice that you raise your voices at each other more and more? In the beginning, these arguments may have been about big things that matter for the whole household, but then it got a bit petty. You started getting annoyed with your partner’s mannerisms. Something about the way they talk or do something quirky made you lash out. Arguing over nothing, but occurring on a regular basis, is a clear sign that it’s really more than just these little things, like the laundry and dishes. Pent-up anger can spiral into one giant ball of frustration. It’s rarely just one thing that sets you off.
So if you’re noticing how you argue day in and day out, and you dread the next time you have to communicate with each other about something important, then it could be time to take a break. You have to acknowledge the deterioration of your relationship before it actually dissolves. If this means you don’t sleep in the same bed together, then make this known and make a decision as to who moves out of the bedroom. Taking a weekend apart from each other and doing different things, so you can clear your mind and have moments of peace, will give you time to think about what’s really bothering you. When you feel as if the tension has calmed down, then you can slowly build communication with each other and address the issues calmly.
Talking it Out
A breakdown in communication can destroy any relationship. But talking to one another does not automatically qualify as understanding one another. So it’s time for some action. Both of you need to talk to each other and set up a time where it’s just you two in the home. Make sure that there is nothing else pressing that needs to be taken care of on that day. It might be helpful to write down your points, so sit down and think carefully about the things that you personally believe are destroying the marriage. When you both meet, remember to be civil and conduct yourselves respectfully. Try to stay on the topics that you have written down. Use I-statements, instead of you. For example, “I feel frustrated when I see you haven’t helped with the kids when I get home from work,” instead of “You never help me with the kids.”
Don’t hold back during the discussion because this is your chance to be completely honest . When your partner speaks, be courteous and don’t interrupt; be mindful that you may not like what you hear but allow him or her to finish each point. When you’re both done, you can take a minute to drink some coffee and think over what was said before responding.
What If It Can’t Be Fixed?
Sometimes, marriages are broken beyond repair. Moving forward with a divorce is a big step in your life. Not only will your children be living new lives, but your financial and marital status will legally change as well. Your children may be lost and trying to figure out why their parents can’t get along. No one prepares you for this moment when you have to explain what divorce is to your children. But Spruce Grove Divorce Lawyers have a great video that goes over the points that you should be covering when talking to your kids. There’s also helpful advice for parents and how they should behave around the children, and this includes how you behave towards each other as soon-to-be former spouses. Children’s lives must continue to be as normal as possible. This includes you and their other parent sharing the responsibilities of everyday life, such as making dinner, doing the laundry, taking them to the doctors, and helping them with homework. In fact, you should enjoy these moments as a custody agreement will have to be reached, and both of you will have to share the time rather than being able to be with your kids whenever you want.
If at all possible, notice the signs of cracks forming in your marriage and take evasive action before it escalates to divorce, if you can help it. Take some time apart from each other. Talk the problems out face to face and be as honest as you can. If you cannot stop the crash, then it’s time to go ahead with a divorce. But don’t allow your kids to be victims of your decision, let them live their lives as they were before as much as possible.Tags: divorce, marriage