Every Time She Leaves

_DSC0354I recently heard someone say that when you become a parent, a little piece of your heart is now living outside your body. Isn’t that the truth? Every time, my daughter leaves to go with her dad, it makes me, well, sick to my stomach. I know she has fun. I know she loves her daddy. I know she misses him. But the transition is tough–she often says things like, “I don’t want to be without you, Mommy.” She’s not choosing me over him; she’s just stating how much it sucks in her little Kindergarten world that she cannot be with her mommy when she wants to.

And that does suck.

I was the one who asked for the divorce. I’m not going to get into why. It’s not even important to anyone but the two of us. But I will tell you that although I feel like I made the only decision I could after many struggles, I still doubt being away from my daughter, like I have to be, because I chose to divorce her dad. It is the hardest thing for me–still–and we have been separated since May 2015.

I cope by trying to do things I could not do while she is with me. I try to sleep more. I try to get our house organized. I try to see my friends. I try to plan fun things to do when she comes back. I try to remember that she needs me to set boundaries and discipline her when we are together, even though I want to make every moment precious.

I’m a lucky mom. I have a healthy, vibrant, strong-willed, beautiful little girl, and I have to trust that I have made the best decisions I could make for her, regardless of what anyone else thinks. And when I miss her–I am lucky that I can call her or Skype with her, and that we will be together again soon.

It’s not easy to stay positive. But that’s how I make it through…every time she leaves.


Margo Dill (luvboxerdogs)

Luvboxerdogs is just my Wordpress name, but these posts are put up by me, Margo L. Dill. I'm a writer and an editor, and this is my site--welcome! I hope you like it and stick around to read what I have to say or even better, some of my amazing guest posters. :)

6 thoughts to “Every Time She Leaves”

  1. My twin and i had a hysterectomy at the same time and actually got to share a hospital room. We both had large fibroids and something had to be done about it even though we were only 37. We did have our ovaries removed too. I had four daughters and Judy and two. It was kind of fun having it done together. Later we both had our bladders tied up together – not together but at the same time. Now that was kind of painful. I pray all will go well for you. I’m sure it will.

    1. WOW! At the same time–that is so interesting. I guess it helped to go through it together and probably helped your family to take care of you all at once. 🙂 THanks for sharing with me.

  2. I wish I had found this blog sooner. I feel the same way every time my daughter (she just turned 4) leaves for her visits with her father; I sometimes actually feel physically ill. It helps to have some distractions on hand (good book, chat with a friend), but even those only help so much. Please keep posting; it’s comforting to know others are going through the same struggle and understand how hard it is.

    1. Sara: I understand completely. Sometimes, I am so overwhelmed when she is home because there is so much to do as a single parent and I want to spend quality time with her. But then when she is not home, I can’t seem to get anything much done anyway because my house feels so empty and life feels so incomplete. Thank you for stopping by and letting me know how you are feeling too.

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