Look To the Western Sky

A blog about single life as a parent & the dreams of a writer by Margo L. Dill

Tag: Self-help

A Letter to a Narcissist

A little bit of creative writing I’ve been working on…

Dear Narcissist:

I am no longer going to be a supply for you. What do I mean? I know where you get your energy. You get your energy from me, from her, from anyone who will allow you to come into their lives and wreak havoc. But today, I am putting my foot down, and the thing is, I’m not telling you.

This may seem unfair to anyone who doesn’t know a narcissist. But if I tell you, if I let you know that today, I’m done allowing you to make me feel like I don’t matter, to make me feel like I am less worthy than someone else in your life, then I won’t be able to stick to this. All I will be is your supply for the day. You will make me feel guilty. You will make me feel wrong. I could be wrong, but the thing is that doesn’t matter. What matters is how I feel after dealing with you–whether it’s a conversation, an in-person meeting, or no response to my attempts at contact.

Actually, I don’t think you will notice. You’ve started to groom someone else, someone else is supplying your high.  You have someone else worried about your every need; you have someone else who will do anything for you. You found others who are supplying that emotional energy you need, when you make them feel like less than themselves. You make them feel like you’re the only one who can fix them, the only one who will have anything to do with them because of how horrible they are. You basically have to do nothing in return, except for your grooming, because now the people in your life are just waiting, hoping, yearning for your approval, time, and attention. It really is a wonderful support system you’ve created for yourself. But it’s not real, and deep down, you know it. Everything in your life is a facade. How exhausting that must be to be grasping a life, filled with beliefs that aren’t based in reality.

Here’s the other thing. I’m not upset with you–not anymore. I used to be. I used to be upset about how you always changed the rules; how you said something and then when I did it, you changed your mind and said it wasn’t enough or it was wrong; how you blamed me for everything; how you didn’t consider my feelings; how you acted like everything you gave me was a gift that I was super lucky to have because you were so busy and great, and I wasn’t; and how you made me feel like I owed you for the nice things you did for me. I’m not upset at you.

I’m upset with myself–for knowing that it would never get better; for getting away from you before and then letting you back countless times; for feeling like if I could only do this ONE thing right, you would want me again; for wasting my energy with someone who clearly doesn’t care about anyone, including himself.

I only hope I can stick to the first line in this letter.

I’m not going to be a supply for you anymore.

Love,

Someone who has a long journey ahead

If you have a narcissist in your life, the pain that you may be feeling is very real and similar to what is expressed in this post. I have found an invaluable resource in Kim Saeed’s website, if you are looking for answers and need to start healing. 

 

 

 

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Share Your Sayings With Me (1st Official New Blog Contest)

Although I haven’t pinpointed exactly what this blog will be about, I know it will be a mixture of humorous and serious posts about being a single mom and a woman, who plans to get herself back in the dating game after having a hysterectomy, and who likes to write. I originally had the idea for this blog when I started writing notes to myself this past year, after separating from my husband and eventually getting a divorce. These notes were often scribbled on a piece of paper, and tacked up on the bulletin board in my bedroom, so  I could revisit them periodically. Here’s one of the first ones I wrote:

advice-to-myself

Why is this life advice on its side?

I’m still working on several of those life lessons above, but one morning while I was drinking coffee, something said: WRITE THESE DOWN, and I’m trying to be aware and work on at least one of these each day.

When I talked about this on my Facebook author/editor page, I received some great responses. So then I asked several people on Facebook to share their advice and/or the sayings they try to live by every day–again, the response was fantastic, and I thought: I should incorporate this into a blog somehow. Here are a few gems from that Facebook post:

  • Don’t wish away your life.
  • Break a big challenge into small steps.
  • Always be the better person.
  • Not my circus, not my monkeys.
  • A wise man learns from his mistakes, an even wiser man learns from another man’s mistakes.

So, to celebrate the debut of my new blog, I thought it would be fun to have a little sayings/celebration of new blog contest with PRIZES. You can enter by doing any of the things in the Rafflecopter form below, and you can enter more than once! ***The main thing I would love for you to do is to write a comment below and share a saying–something you live by, something you’ve seen on FB or Twitter and liked, something your mom/grandma used to say to you, or something you say to your kids. ANYTHING that helps you get through this thing called life. Once you leave a saying in the comments, DON’T FORGET TO CLICK ON THAT BUTTON IN THE RAFFLECOPTER FORM. You are not entered to win a fabulous prize if you DON’T enter on the Rafflecopter form, too.*** 

The person who Rafflecopter randomly chooses first will get their first pick  of one of the prizes below, 2nd person picked will choose 2nd, etc. There are 5 prizes:

  • $10 Amazon or Starbucks gift card
  • 10-page (2500 word) content edit for free
  • One of the books written by me (I have a YA, a middle-grade, or a picture book.)
  • A journal
  • R-E-A-D magnets (4 separate magnets that spell the word READ)

The contest runs until the end of the month–September 30 at 11:59 pm CDT. So let’s have some fun with this. Any questions or you can’t get something to work? Please email me at margolynndill (at) gmail.com.

Thanks for playing!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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