Look To the Western Sky

A blog about single life as a parent & the dreams of a writer by Margo L. Dill

Tag: grateful

Working Through The Comparison Trap

Recently, I was in a video/book study called The Comparison Trap. This little four-week course is life-changing. Well, I should say: it can be life changing if you put into practice what the book discusses. (Side note: There’s a spiritual element to this book. It quotes Bible verses, and the woman who wrote it is married to a preacher. EVEN IF this usually does not do it for you, I recommend fighting through this and reading the book anyway. Every place she talks about God, can you think of Higher Power or Universe instead? I’m stealing this idea from the book You are a Badass! But I think it is an excellent point to not get hung up the “G-word.” And who knows what can happen in your life if you keep an open mind? ) Onward…

Before week one, I never realized how often I compare myself to other people and how shitty it makes me feel. Sometimes, I compare myself and I don’t measure up. I don’t have a loving husband or boyfriend. I don’t live in “the best school district” (although I love mine and the location of my house). I don’t have as much money as friend A, B or C.  I’m not 25 anymore. I could go on and drive myself crazy. I also do the flip side: Well, at least, I work full time. Well, at least, I have a book published, and so on. All of that thinking and comparing is exhausting and not helpful to anyone, most of all me.

The class had anywhere from 6 to 8 women in it each week, ranging in age from mid-40s to retirement age. And it was powerful. It was so powerful that we actually met for 5 weeks, instead of the 4 that the author recommends. Let me tell you the two moments that sealed it for me:

  1. The last week, we were asked to think of a time in our lives when we couldn’t celebrate other people’s good news. When we heard good news, did we react with jealousy or did we celebrate with the person? At first, I thought: this is a no-brainer–I celebrate. When I read the daily devotionals about overcoming this “jealousy”, it didn’t fit me, until I started thinking about when I was trying to get pregnant. It was very difficult for me to get pregnant, and I thought it would never happen. During this time, whenever I found out someone was pregnant, I was not celebrating. I was saying: Why me? In class, I even shared that I skipped a few celebrations because it was so heartbreaking to attend baby showers. It was a dark time. I am not proud of myself; and even though you may be thinking, well, I can understand why–that doesn’t excuse it. I was comparing my life to theirs, and my life is nothing like theirs. It’s not healthy, and it takes an extreme amount of faith in the Universe or God or your Higher Power or whatever you believe in to get out of the darkness and move on. I am happy that I did it. I am happy that once I let go, I got pregnant (just like everyone says).  And I think I still do that “jealousy thing” a little bit today now that I am divorced. But I am stopping it! Right now! I realized as I was writing this post: Sometimes, when I’m thinking about my relationship status, I will count up the number of people I know who are also divorced and without a partner. But really, this is terrible. If my friends and family want to be in a relationship, then they should be, and it should be happy and healthy and enriching. And I should celebrate it with them and let go of this notion that makes me compare myself to find my worth. Because frankly, it is exhausting.
  2. The two big messages that are driven home in this book are everyone is unique and special with their own talents. AND if you have a heart of gratitude, you will find contentment. We discussed these philosophies at length and honestly. Because let’s be real, isn’t it hard to take sometimes when you look at your neighbor and she is beautiful, owns a fancy car, and has a successful career,and a loving husband? Why did she get all of this and you didn’t? It can be hard to take when you are looking OUT. So what I learned in this book and this class and even writing this post is–you have to look IN. What are your talents and blessings? What are you grateful for? We also discussed how being content does not mean you can’t have goals or improve your life. But you should create these goals and improvements because you looked IN and it’s what you really want–not because you are looking OUT and trying to be as good as Mrs. Jones.

If I remember nothing else in a month from this study, this phrase, which is now hanging on the bulletin board in my room, will be something I remember: There is NO win in comparison. 

 

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MOPS 28-Day Truth Challenge Days 11 to 13

I’m back with the MOPS 28-Day Challenge. . .I’m going to do Day 14 in its own post because it is about writing a love letter to your body. I’m going to try not to make this a bigger challenge than I have to. We’ll see. . .but here are days 11 to 13 from the MOPS challenge.

Day 11: Sabbath Like a Sunrise: What do you feel most grateful for? Make a list

Answer: Katie, my parents, current male person in my life :), my friends, technology, flexibility with work, my dog, my job, my house, my car, my writing, freedom, love, and a life full of opportunity.

Day 12: Time in the Light: What do you look forward to when you wake up in the morning? 

Answer: Well, that depends on the day. Honestly. How do you answer this question for every single day? For example today, I looked forward to getting to blog for WOW!, seeing my friends at happy hour, and going shopping with a gift card at J. Crew.  Tomorrow, I will look forward to the fact it is FRIDAY.  On Saturday, I will look forward to getting Katie back (she’s with her dad today/tomorrow) and the beautiful weather we are going to have, as well as the fun trivia night for LHS Strolling Strings. So maybe the answer to this question is. . .I look forward to my life every day in spite of the fact that sometimes I feel overwhelmed or I don’t enjoy every single thing about every single day.

Day 13: What is your favorite color and what does it symbolize for you?

Answer: My favorite color is yellow. It is bright, sunny, cheerful. I also like green–reminds me of plants and spring and nature. It turns out, my high school colors (where did you go to high school?) were green and gold (LHS! RAH!); but that’s not why I like those two colors and that’s not what they symbolize for me. They symbolize happiness, brightness, nurturing, outside, spring/summer, beautiful weather, refreshment. . .According to this website: http://www.bourncreative.com/meaning-of-the-color-yellow/  , yellow means:

Yellow, the color of sunshine, hope, and happiness, has conflicting associations. On one hand yellow stands for freshness, happiness, positivity, clarity, energy, optimism, enlightenment, remembrance, intellect, honor, loyalty, and joy, but on the other, it represents cowardice and deceit. A dull or dingy yellow may represent caution, sickness, and jealousy.

Studies show that the meaning of the color yellow can be warmth, cheerfulness, increased mental activity, increased muscle energy. The color yellow helps activate the memory, encourage communication, enhance vision, build confidence, and stimulate the nervous system.

And according to the same website, green means:

Green, the color of life, renewal, nature, and energy, is associated with meanings of growth, harmony, freshness, safety, fertility, and environment. Green is also traditionally associated with money, finances, banking, ambition, greed, jealousy, and wall street.

The color green has healing power and is understood to be the most restful and relaxing color for the human eye to view. Green can help enhance vision, stability and endurance. Green takes up more space in the spectrum visible to the human eye and it is the dominant color in the natural. It is a natural choice in interior design as an ideal background or backdrop because we as humans are so used to seeing it everywhere.

I probably don’t have to tell you that for both of these, I am looking at the positive traits; but it’s always good to think about whether or not your love for these colors has anything to do with the not-so-positive side. . .

What is your favorite color and why?

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