Look To the Western Sky

A blog about single life as a parent & the dreams of a writer by Margo L. Dill

Category: mental health (page 1 of 2)

A Positive Attitude by Jo Ann Simon (Author of Rose Colored Glasses)

I am happy to welcome Jo Ann Simon, author of Rose Colored Glasses: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Hopeto Look to the Western Sky ,today. She is on blog tour with WOW! Women On Writing , and I’m one of the stops. Below, she has written a post about her positive attitude. Her memoir is about her husband getting a tick bite on Block Island. She says, “We shared a story that felt like a dream. Every moment was an adventure… and then Tom became ill. As his mysterious symptoms persisted, we were hurtled through a maze of fear, tests, doubts and sorrow. But while doctors toyed with diagnoses– Lyme disease, ALS–we filled each day with joy, hope, good food, wine, music, and travel. Even when death came to crush our storybook romance, we found that the human spirit is greater than the frailties of the body, greater than suffering and grief.”

 

A Positive Attitude

Guest post by Jo Ann Simon

Everyone has a choice to be positive or negative.  You can see it every day just walking down the street or in the supermarket.  Look at the people and see who has a smile, or glint in their eyes showing their enjoyment of the day.  Then you see the people with their heads down, grimacing or griping about their dour situations.  They might have a dour situation, or they are creating it for themselves. It is much easier to be positive and feel something good than to be stuck in your own doubt.

Having a positive attitude gives you a very special power.  This power allows you to see things in a better way and know that anything is possible.  That door of endless possibilities is always open.  Negativity slams that door closed and forces that person to feel woe is me because nothing is possible for them.   I like to get my crowbar out and try to open that door with simple ideas of possibilities.  It is amazing to me that a negative person cannot even think about the simplest solutions to situations.  Their minds are crammed with swarms of downward delusional thoughts, so they can’t find that glimmer of hope for something good.

I am always unnerved with the amount of negativity in our world and try to change it every day.  I have been in a conference room with a group of co-workers who are speaking doom and gloom, and I will ask why we can’t change the situation with a different method.  They all look at me and say, “Jo Ann has her Rose Colored Glasses on today”.  I do have those glasses on, and normally, when a positive suggestion is made, it comes as a surprise because negativity tends to rule the day.  But, when they all start thinking and talking about how to change it for the better, excitement starts building into something wonderful and doable.

Having a positive attitude makes life much more enjoyable and easier.  My goal is to make the most of every day, no matter what is happening in life around me.   I strive to live every day to the fullest, and spread the wealth of the notion that anything is possible if you try to think like that.

I wear my Rose Colored Glasses every day, whether you can see them or not, and I am a better person for doing that.

Find JoAnn Online:

Website: https://www.joann-simon.com/  

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ForgetMeNotJoSi

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joannsimonauthorpage/

 

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3 Reasons Why You Should Make Sleep a Top Priority

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If you’re an ambitious, go-getting, proactive, dream-chasing kind of a person, it’s likely that you have at some point in your life — or are currently — falling into the devastatingly bad habit of sacrificing sleep in order to win some extra hours from the day. This is a common tactic of hard-nosed business tycoons and creative artists and entrepreneurs alike, but also of people who don’t really enjoy their day jobs very much at all, and who want a bit of extra time each evening to watch TV, listen to music, surf the web, relax, and just do things that aren’t in any way related to work.

But no matter how much you may need or want those extra few hours in the day, you’d be better off doing without them, or with getting them by cutting out virtually anything else other than sleep. Here are some reasons why a chronic lack of sleep will ruin your life, and why you need to make sleep a top priority.

Lack of sleep could completely change your personality

In the 1950’s, radio host Peter Tripp decided to attempt a record-breaking 201-hour-wakeathon. He was observed by medical professionals who warned him adamantly against the experiment, but he went ahead with it anyway for the benefit of a charity he had selected. What happened to Peter Tripp is a terrifying insight into the tremendous importance of sleep, and the degree to which sleep deprivation can destroy a human mind.

Tripp’s personality radically changed, and he even ended up developing split-personality disorder during the experiment. When the experiment was over and he had slept, he thought he was back to normal. The people who knew him didn’t agree and declared that his personality was forever changed for the worse.

Get enough sleep, or you can become a completely different person. 

Lack of sleep can devastate your health

Recent research has found evidence that lack of sleep can cause systematic, multi-organ damage, chronic inflammation, and can lead to any number of diseases and conditions developing in the body. This isn’t too surprising considering that prolonged sleep deprivation is fatal, and that the body appears to do much of its repair and brain-management during sleep.

If you’re cutting hours out of your nightly sleep cycle to work, you’re not just sacrificing luxury time. You’re sacrificing your health and lifespan. Needless to say, not even the best personal injury lawyer can help you when you inflict the damage on yourself with a lack of sleep.

Lack of sleep can make you worse at everything

When people are sleep-deprived, their mental performance drops dramatically; they are less perceptive and less adept at reading social cues, and worse at regulating their emotions.

It’s a darkly ironic twist, considering that many people skip sleep in order to be more productive during the day; but the evidence suggests that not getting enough sleep makes you less efficient and robs the hours you’ve freed up of their vitality.

It would seem reasonable to conclude that you’d be far better off having fewer hours in your day at work and performing at your peak during those hours, than having more hours, during which you’re an under-performing, error-prone wreck.

 

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3 Ideas For Improving Your Emotional Health And Feeling Positive

(contributed post)

If you’ve been feeling down in the dumps lately, there is a decent chance you will benefit from some of the following advice. Caring for your emotional health is critical and can hugely impact your physical health if you don’t. Sometimes you have to think outside of the box to turn things around, but most people can use some of the ideas below. The goal is to work out which parts of your life are causing issues and then work on positive change. With that in mind, take a couple of minutes to read these suggestions and then work out which will work best for you.

Take some time out

Sometimes, you need to remove yourself from stressful situations and take some time out. That could mean booking some time off work and arranging a vacation with the people who matter to you most. Parents might ask a family member to care for their children for a few nights, so they can remove themselves from the family home and unwind for a while. The possibilities are endless, and you are the only person who can make the right arrangements. Maybe you could visit a place, where you’ve been before that always brings happy memories?

Remove the stresses from your life

For most people, modern life’s stresses revolve around the same things. If you work a stressful job and you don’t like the work, then looking for a new job might benefit you. If you’re in an unhappy relationship or marriage, maybe contacting experts, such as a therapist or marriage counselor or like those at the Vendt Law Firm can help you figure out the next steps that are right for you. Some people benefit from selling their home and relocating to a new town or city or downsizing to a smaller home or apartment. 

Make a positive change

If none of the other suggestions on this page appeal to you; it’s possible to work out the best route forward by ensuring you do something that makes a positive change. That could mean moving to an area where house prices are low, so your wages stretch further than they do right now. Maybe you feel lonely and would like to move closer to friends and family members. You could start a business, according to writers from Entrepreneur. You might also learn to play an instrument or do anything else that you’ve been putting off: running a 5K, organizing family photos, taking a class. Take the time to work out what will make you feel better, and then put one foot in front of the other until you achieve that goal.

Now you have some ideas to improve your emotional health and feel positive this year; it is time to create your plan of action and put the right measures in place. When all’s said and done, you are the only person in the world who can identify the best moves and make things happen. 

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What Happens When You Surround Yourself In Positivity

I really like this post below, which came to me as a contributed post. What I like about it is that they aren’t really telling you HOW to be positive, but they are showing you that if you can manage to have a positive attitude, here are the benefits. And I agree with everyone of these below. It’s not easy to always be positive–that’s for sure. And no one is saying that. What KT and I have been trying to focus on lately is our blessings. Every night, we are saying three things we are thankful for, and it really makes us examine our day–often we have more than 3!

Life has a nasty habit of getting negative. No matter where you go or who you meet, there are always things to see and be down about. The weather. Your job. Debt. All of these things allow a cloud to hang over your head and sometimes that cloud can be all consuming. The thing is, no one wants to walk around all day long with a cloud over their head. No one enjoys feeling unhappy or unmotivated; not only is it not productive for your day-to-day life, it’s just downright miserable, isn’t it?

You should instead be spending your life feeling happy, secure and motivated to achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve. The key to this is people. People and positivity. If you’re surrounding yourself with positive influences, then you’re going to feel that happiness and uplifted spirit leech into your own life. You cannot have a life that is positive and happy if you’re dealing with negative emotions all the time; it just doesn’t work that way. So, what will go down if you start to surround yourself with positivity? Let’s have a look below and see whether you can live a fulfilled and healthy life.

New Attitude. Living a life of negativity can often lead to crutches like drugs and alcohol being used. Deciding to move away from these destructive behaviors isn’t easy, but choosing to surround yourself with sober companions instead of destructive ones will change your life for the better. Time with healthy people will change your attitude and allow you to feel happier and more positive every day.

New Accomplishments. People will always work better and harder when they feel happy – it’s the nature of productivity. When people are oppressed in the workplace, they don’t concentrate, and working is like moving through quicksand. When you surround yourself in positive people, you are giving yourself a chance to achieve more than you ever thought possible.

New Friends. When you’re in a low, you often feel too sad or depressed to speak to new people. When you are feeling positive, new people don’t seem so daunting, and you’re far more likely to be welcoming with new people around you. New friends can bolster your confidence and allow you to feel happier and contented in your life.

New Success. Successful people are motivated, driven and confident in what they do. None of that is prevalent with negative people. People want to spend time with other happy people, and it’s this that will draw the right people to you in a good way. Successful people take their time to get to know others, talk and carve out their own opportunities. And if you are feeling happy and positive, that’s exactly what you will be able to do for yourself.

Taking the time to surround your life with positive influences is only going to serve you well. Don’t be afraid to reach out and choose happiness: it’s all in your power.

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Finding My True Self: A Work in Progress

Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.

~Richard Bach

I’ve been doing a lot of reading about the subjects of shame, belonging and authenticity. This is not light, beach reading, obviously, and sometimes, it takes me to places that I’ve been avoiding, well, my entire life. But I also know that these books, journals, reflections, and meditations are leading me closer to my “true self.”

We all have an ideal self–someone who we wish we were. This person looks perfect, acts perfect, and is perfect. And this person will never and can never exist because we are human, and no one is perfect. But our striving to be this person, this version of whatever we think is perfect, is killing us–it leads to depression, anxiety, eating disorders, drinking too much, and a whole host of other unhealthy things.

So to find my true self, I’ve been trying to recognize when I’m comparing myself to this ideal image . When I look in the mirror and I say to myself, why didn’t you use more sunscreen when you were younger? Or maybe you should skip that dessert tonight! Or even: why can’t you make more time to work on your novel–look at how successful your friends are? Why are you so impatient with your daughter whom you love more than anything else in the world? When I do this, I am being hard on myself, and I’m comparing myself to this ideal image of the way I think I should be.

Look, we’ve been doing this since we were kids. It’s why when we aren’t married to Prince Charming by the time we are 25, we start freaking out a little. It’s why when we get let go from a job we thought we would retire from, we feel defeated. It’s why when our book doesn’t make the bestsellers list, we think we have zero talent.

I would venture that many of us don’t know our true selves. I’m working on knowing mine. And the way I’m doing it, thanks to this book to the right and journaling, is by recognizing a few things:

  1. When I’m not sleeping at night because I’m analyzing my behavior during the day and wondering if I was good enough. Did I do everything correctly? Is anyone going to be upset with me in the morning? Now, I’m reframing this and saying: Of course, I wasn’t perfect, but I did some of these things correctly and next time, I might do this instead. Then I think of my blessings and go back to sleep.
  2. When I’m not authentic. One of the examples Darlene Lancer gives many times in the book is to ask yourself: do you find yourself accepting blame or saying you are sorry when you don’t really mean it? Do you say things at work or in your family that you don’t really feel to keep the peace? Sure, we all do this, and there is a fine line between always saying what you feel and respecting other people. But as Brene Brown pointed out in her book, Braving the Wilderness, we can listen with an open mind to everyone, and we can respond with kindness. It can still be authentic, such as, “I’m sorry I just don’t agree with that point, but I see where you’re coming from.” If we can learn that sentence, we may be closer to our true selves than we ever have been before.
  3. When I feel joy: I think since I’ve been thinking about this subject more than I ever have before, I’m actually feeling more joy and more peace. I think I’m sillier with Katie. I feel more in control.  I feel like I can do this single parent thing. This is not to say that I’ve got it all together. But there are more positive moments filled with joy than before. I’m not always doing something because I think I should (like planning an activity for Katie every day–some days, we’re staying home and she’s figuring out what to do herself). I’m prioritizing what brings me joy and what I need to do to feel organized and good about myself, and then doing those things.

As I’ve written about before, this journey I’m on is filled with imperfect progress. I don’t have any of this mastered yet, but I thought I would share because you might be on a similar journey, or these words might inspire you to join with me in finding our true selves.

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Love and Loss: Some Healthy Things To Consider When Life Goes Wrong

(contributed post)

You have always considered yourself to be a positive and outgoing person with high prospects for your life. There aren’t many things that could hold you back from being the person you have always wanted to be. You practice self love religiously, and you have a caring family who is always there for you through thick and thin. But what happens when the amazing things in your life crumble right before your eyes? Whether you lose a loved one or suffer an unexpected break-up, there are many healthy ways that you could approach these life-changing situations. Follow each of these ideas below to help get your life back on track quicker than you could ever imagine.

Dealing With Death

The phone rings and you receive the news that you have always dreaded. Your close family member has died suddenly, and you are completely shocked. You don’t understand how this could have happened. If it is natural causes, you wonder if something could have been done to avoid it. If it is an accident, maybe you feel it is the result of someone’s negligence. If your loved one has died wrongfully you might want to take legal action. You can learn more about it here and explore your options when it comes to pursuing your case.

Grieving Takes Time

A legal battle can take several years to conclude, and it can be very difficult to grieve whilst you’re in the midst of it all. Don’t rush the grieving process, as it is going to take a while to learn to live differently. Find a healthy way of grieving that works for you, whether that involves counseling, talking to a friend or taking some time off work to recover. You will be able to come to terms with what happened, but you don’t have to do it alone.

Love-Life Loss

When something takes a drastic turn for the worse in your love life, it can be truly crippling. You never expect things to go wrong, so when they do, it can be very difficult to come to terms with. Dealing with a break up is much like dealing with death. You can’t ignore that it happened, but you also can’t let it consume your life. Start to do things that make you truly happy, and you will be ready to love again one day.

Positive Thinking

Whatever kind of tragic loss you have suffered, try to remain positive at all times. You will be able to move forward in your life quicker if you try to maintain a positive attitude.

Wallowing in self-pity will never allow you to deal with the awful problems that life can sometimes throw at you. Face the issue head on and know the right way to deal with it. Try not to dwell on the past too much, but don’t let your loved one slip away from your memories altogether. Allow yourself time to grieve and heal; think about the happy qualities this person brought to your life and re-channel your outlook into a more positive and upbeat one.

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4 Ways to Deal With Mental Health Issues

(contributed post)

It’s simple, taking care of your mental health makes your life so much easier and more enjoyable, and who wouldn’t want that for themselves or the people that they love? To that end, it is vital that you prioritize any mental health issues and deal with them in appropriate ways. 

Know when something is wrong.

One of the most crucial things that people who suffer from mental health issues can do is establish a check to assess how they are doing. This doesn’t need to be complicated. In fact, it can be based on pretty simple things, like am I sleeping too little or too much? Am I eating too little or too much? Am I using avoidance behaviors not to feel or deal with something? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, then it’s a great indicator that things are not all well, and you can start to reach out for help before they get too bad.

If you know when you aren’t feeling yourself, you can catch a downward trend in your health before it becomes too bad.

Talk to someone.

In fact, one way that you can reach out for help is to tell someone how you are feeling. It is always best to pick this person with care from your friendship group, family, or support network.

Then you will be able to have a conversation with them about what’s bothering you and whether you need to seek additional help, or whether you can put in place some coping strategies that you already know.

Get some specialist help.

Of course being able to see a professional counselor is an integral part of reaching out and asking for help. In particular, a professional will have the expertise to guide you through your problem and refer you on for specialist advice if you need it.

However, some people are put off seeking such help because they struggle to find time in their busy lives or dislike the idea of being seen at a counseling practice. Luckily, with services such as Thrive Talk, this is no longer an issue because you can access counseling from the comfort of your own home. Online counseling might also make it much easier on an emotional level because you don’t have to psych yourself up to go to a session.

Be compassionate to yourself.

Last of all, but mainly for anyone struggling with a mental health issue, it is vital to learn some self-compassion. Mental health and mental illness are real things and just because they are not tangible like a broken leg or a fever doesn’t mean that they don’t cause a great deal of suffering.

In fact, many mental illnesses have their roots in perfectionist mindsets, so by being compassionate to yourself, it is possible not only to alleviate some of your suffering in the moment, but also you may be contributing to your recovery in the long term.  Feeling better mentally  is entirely possible for people who have mental illness to achieve, as long as they  address it and don’t treat it only as an afterthought.

 

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Yes, You’re A Parent, But 10 Ways To Care For Yourself Too

(contributed post)

Being a parent can be tough, we all know that. And as much as you love your children, and as much as you wouldn’t trade this blessed job for anything else in the world, you’re still a human. As an adult, you really do have to be able to put them first, but also cover off your own needs too. Whether you are a single mom or not, this is essential. You know the saying about putting your life jacket on first before helping anyone else? Well, that comes into play a lot here. It’s great that you want to be a wonderful mother, and you want your children to be happy, but you also need to be happy too. And not only that, healthy as well.

If right now, you know that you’re not really doing enough to put your own needs first, then you may want to think about changing things. You’ve probably got yourself into a bit of a rhythm with how you care for your kids, and that’s okay. But if you know that you’re neglecting your own needs, then things need to change. Or worse, if you’re stressed out, tired, overworked, and just generally unhappy, then you really do need to take action. Of course, even if you are happy (or you think you’re happy enough) some of the ideas we’re about to walk through may apply to you too. So let’s take a look at some of the things you can do to start taking care of your own needs better.

Think About Your Future

First of all, you need to start thinking a little more about your future. And this is incredibly important. If you want to be able to be happy in life, you need to make sure that you’re on the right track. Yes, you’re a mom, but that’s not all you are. And when your kids grow up, you don’t want to feel like you missed out on doing something that you love. So plan your future and figure out what you can do today that’s going to get you to where you want to be in ten years time.

Give Yourself An Hour

When it comes to physically looking after yourself on a day to day basis, you just need to be able to give yourself an hour. There are lots of different ways to find time for yourself, no matter how busy you are. So shift your schedule and make sure that you get an hour each day to just be you, relax, and do something that you love, like take a bath or read.

Balance Your Work Life

Next up, you’re going to want to focus on finding a balance with your work. Now, this isn’t always easy, but you can’t just be an employee and a mom, and then go to sleep. You’ll be exhausted. So you have to have boundaries and be able to slot your work in with everything else. Don’t feel too pressured to keep on working when the kids are asleep, you need time for yourself too.

Create A Social Life

One of the main reasons you need to keep your work life balanced is because you need a social life too. And this is essential. Even if you’re a single mom – well, even more so! A rewarding social life is something that we all deserve and it doesn’t have to be impossible to find. When you build the right network around you, you’ll feel like you’re finally putting your needs first.

Pursue Your Passion

Next, you’re going to want to make sure that whatever you want to do in life, you make time for it. If you want to write or paint, then make sure that you accommodate more time for this in your life. Life is too short for you not to do the things you love, even as a busy mom!

Take Better Care Of Your Health

But at the same time, you also need to focus on your health. Because you are only human, and if you don’t take care of your body, it will show. So above all else, eat well and stay active. When you’re focusing on your health, you will always feel great too.

Take Action

Next, you need to make sure that you are taking control of any situation that you might be in right now. If you need to handle settlements or get compensation, speak to the right professional like Muth Law and take action. Now’s the time to do it. When you do, you’ll feel like you have so much more control over your own life.

Focus On Relationships

From here, you should also start to think about your relationships a little bit more. It’s important that you’re able to develop great parent-child relationships and not just be their mom. At the same time, you should want to think about strengthening the bond you have with others around you. It’s so important to be able to have good relationships with those around you if you want to be able to feel your best.

Do Something Just For You

At the same time, you have to ensure that you’re doing things just for yourself. Not because you feel like you should, not because someone else wants you to, but because you’re taking care of your own needs. Maybe you want to take a class or you want to start a course? Whatever it is, just make sure that you take the plunge.

Always Aim To Live Your Best Life

Finally, you should definitely make sure that you’re living well on your own terms too. Remember, this is your life. You won’t ever want to feel like you didn’t live it your own way. So look how you want to look, dress in a way that makes you feel confident, take care of your appearance and feel good about yourself. Make sure that you act in a way that makes you feel like yourself. Do the things that make you happy. Because you should never look back and regret the things that you didn’t do!

 

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Round-Up: Self-Care and Emotional Health Top 5 Articles

Self-care and emotional health are two very important topics to me. I recently saw this quote on a quote calendar I own:

“You must love and care for yourself because that’s when the best comes out.” ~ Tina Turner

So true, right? And as we all know, it is not always easy when you’re a parent, especially. So here is a round-up of the top 5 articles on my blog that have to do with self-care and emotional health. I chose this round-up thanks to everyone who took my poll on what topics readers would like me to focus on next. So here we go…

Life Is All About Your Reaction and Your Tribe (This post is about surrounding yourself with people who make you better and how you can’t control others, but you can control your reaction!)

Parents: Taking Time For Yourself (This post is about a trip I took with my girlfriends and why it is important for all parents to fill their well.)

The Thing About Change and Not Giving Up (This post was inspired by a book I read about ways to NOT become unglued and making imperfect progress toward goals.)

5 Things I Learned About Living In 2016 (From “balance is key” to “parenting is hard and give yourself a break”, this post shares my personal experiences while trying to improve my emotional health.)

Make This the Year You Start Taking Care of Number One  (Three tips for taking care of yourself and why you should! )

 

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Learning To Listen To My Gut

“Always trust your gut. It knows what your head hasn’t figured out yet.” ~Anonymous

Geez, if only I could easily follow this advice…but I’m in the process of learning it–maybe I’m at the very beginning of the lesson. I’m an infant at listening to my gut. My friends can tell you this. I overthink. I rationalize. I decide to give someone/something one more chance–despite what my gut says. Because…how could my gut be right? But I think 10 times out of 10, if I go back and look at a situation, I will remember a moment when I should have known that something was off. Has this happened to you? Have you had the old HINDSIGHT is 20/20 thing in your life? Listening to your gut doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to say good-bye to someone or that you have to quit doing something, but it does mean that you have to address whatever gives you that uneasy feeling in  your gut. This is the key!

This is so true with dating! Even if you’re married now, at one point, you were dating. How many times did you go out with someone way longer than you should have when your gut was telling you that something wasn’t right? This doesn’t mean that there’s something terribly wrong with the person–he or she might be lovely or fine for someone else. But this experience does mean that this person wasn’t right for you or for your current situation, and your gut was warning you.

Recently, I had a situation where someone asked me out, but I couldn’t go that evening. At first, everything seemed fine. But then, a text message came from him that was not super nice–but you know text messages, they are infamous for sending the wrong signals because you can’t tell tone. A couple more messages were exchanged, and I still didn’t feel right about him; but by the end of the night, I had convinced myself that I was overreacting. Maybe I misread what he meant. Maybe I don’t know what that particular emoji actually meant. Maybe I was overthinking.

So, I turned to my trusty girlfriends, and as you know, the people I surround myself with are extremely important to me. I explained the situation to them, sent a screenshot of the few texts, and asked: What do you think?

Immediately, they came back with–that wasn’t very nice, and trust your gut. Move on. So I did. But why did I need that confirmation from others? Why didn’t I just trust my gut to begin with?

That is the big question, and one I am currently working on exploring. I wonder how many of us are good at this. How many of us go with our gut immediately and don’t stop and overthink? And I wonder how many of the people who are able to trust their gut right away have lives that are much less stressful and anxiety-ridden?

There are all kinds of opinions about this–some people think trusting your gut too much is irresponsible, while others swear by it. Some scientists have studied what happens to the body when people are faced with a choice and “go with their gut.”

But here’s what I am starting to realize–when I’m forcing myself to “get over” something someone has done or said, and this person has not truly apologized or shown any better behavior or concern, then I need to listen to my gut. Life is too short to spend it with people who make you feel uncomfortable and/or don’t respect you. 🙂 So if you see me, ask me…how is it going with listening to your gut?

How about you? Do you listen to your gut? When has it worked for you?

 

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