Look To the Western Sky

A blog about single life as a parent & the dreams of a writer by Margo L. Dill

Category: Children of Divorce

Tips for an Amicable Divorce or Break-Up

(contributed post)

All adults should refrain from point-scoring and acting like children when they reach the end of their relationships. Nobody wants a messy breakup because that will cause a lot of hassle and headaches. The situation is even worse when there are kids involved, and so it makes sense to take a friendly approach. The tips on this page will show you how to end your relationship and ensure everyone gets a fair deal. Use this information to limit the amount of time it takes to find solutions and guarantee nobody leaves the relationship feeling ripped off or downtrodden. If you do that, you could have everything sorted within a couple of months.

Start divorce proceedings straight away

The first thing you need to do is contact a reputable family lawyer and start divorce proceedings straight away. There are specialists in every city that deal with everything from divorce resolution to custody battles. Explain the situation to your legal representatives, and instruct them to start the ball rolling as soon as possible. You have no time to waste, and any delays will increase the chances of arguments in your household. Make sure both parties agree to sign all the documents and refrain from placing stumbling blocks in the way of the legal teams.

Agree on lists of personal possessions

Splitting your possessions is often the most challenging aspect of relationship breakups. If you can prove that you paid for something, and you have access to the receipts, place that item on your list. Instruct your ex-partner to do the same thing, and then compare. Hopefully, you will both take a fair approach. If there are items in dispute, mention them to your legal team and ask them to come up with a solution that benefits both parties.

Refrain from talking about the breakup at home

There are times and places to talk about your relationship breakup, and your home isn’t one of them. That is especially the case if you have children who might become stressed or upset. Ensure you only discuss matters related to your divorce through your lawyers for the best outcomes. Don’t try to start arguments in the house, and they might escalate into problems that will prolong the breakup. If you remember to do that, there is a reasonable chance you can find some fair solutions and get everything over and done with in a couple of months.

The suggestions and advice on this page can help ease stress at the end of a relationship. Remember, you loved your ex-partner once; and even though you now have issues, it’s sensible to remember that fact and treat them with respect. That may encourage your former partner to do the same thing.

 

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Every Time She Leaves

_DSC0354I recently heard someone say that when you become a parent, a little piece of your heart is now living outside your body. Isn’t that the truth? Every time, my daughter leaves to go with her dad, it makes me, well, sick to my stomach. I know she has fun. I know she loves her daddy. I know she misses him. But the transition is tough–she often says things like, “I don’t want to be without you, Mommy.” She’s not choosing me over him; she’s just stating how much it sucks in her little Kindergarten world that she cannot be with her mommy when she wants to.

And that does suck.

I was the one who asked for the divorce. I’m not going to get into why. It’s not even important to anyone but the two of us. But I will tell you that although I feel like I made the only decision I could after many struggles, I still doubt being away from my daughter, like I have to be, because I chose to divorce her dad. It is the hardest thing for me–still–and we have been separated since May 2015.

I cope by trying to do things I could not do while she is with me. I try to sleep more. I try to get our house organized. I try to see my friends. I try to plan fun things to do when she comes back. I try to remember that she needs me to set boundaries and discipline her when we are together, even though I want to make every moment precious.

I’m a lucky mom. I have a healthy, vibrant, strong-willed, beautiful little girl, and I have to trust that I have made the best decisions I could make for her, regardless of what anyone else thinks. And when I miss her–I am lucky that I can call her or Skype with her, and that we will be together again soon.

It’s not easy to stay positive. But that’s how I make it through…every time she leaves.

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