Look To the Western Sky

A blog about single life as a parent & the dreams of a writer by Margo L. Dill

Author: luvboxerdogs (page 2 of 7)

Parents: Taking Time For Yourself

I just returned from a three-night, four-day girls’ trip to Breckenridge, CO. We had a lot of fun, from sightseeing on Mt. Evans to dog sledding with a golf cart, from Oktoberfest to a winery with an incredible view–we laughed and relaxed; and each one of us took time for ourselves. We are all moms. Some of us are single; some of us are married. I am the only one with a young child; one mom has a special needs son, and others have teenagers, college students, and young adults. All of us have busy lives and jobs, but we made it happen. We took the time for ourselves.

The dog sled adventure

I’m not going to tell you it was easy or without guilt. I had a bit of guilt before I left about how I was taking this trip as a single parent, and two of the nights were my nights with my daughter. The guilt grew worse when KT had a meltdown on the phone with me the second night; and when I called her from the airport on my way home, she was teary eyed and wanted me home right now. My mom’s commentary on how miserable KT was also didn’t help. Grandmas hate to see their grandchildren teary-eyed.

I’m still glad I did it, though; but for a while, I doubted myself. Luckily, my friends are amazing.

One said: You have to let her figure out how to navigate life without you always there. You have to prepare her for the tough stuff. If you don’t, and life gets tough, she will have no idea what to do. (How about that for a smart, great friend?)

Another said: Everybody has to refuel. Everyone does it. There’s nothing wrong with taking care of yourself, mentally and physically, so you are stronger and better for your daughter. (Exactly!)

And there was a handsome police officer…

I mean–this is free advice I got, and I am now sharing it with you. 🙂

KT and I both survived, and the next day when we were together, it was even more special. We appreciated each other more. We hugged a lot, and we told each other how much we loved and missed each other. That is very special and just an extra bonus of going on a fun trip with my friends and also having a beautiful daughter!

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Midwives VS Doulas: What’s the Difference?

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As a soon-to-be parent, you’ll be introduced to a whole new world of prenatal classes, pregnancy advice books and terminology you’ve never heard before. It can be a pretty daunting time, especially as the strain on your body grows every day and hormones start raging. Luckily, there are trained people who are there throughout your pregnancy, birth, and even after. You are not alone by any stretch.

Two types of experts can help you through your pregnancy. One of those is a midwife, and the other is a doula.

You’ll be forgiven for not hearing of a doula before, not many of us do until the time comes to need one. But why have a doula AND a midwife? Both of these professionals have a different role to play in your pregnancy as well as different qualifications and skills. Let’s talk through them.

Doula

Doula services are invaluable to a woman during pregnancy. Doula literally means “woman’s servant” in Greek, and they are there to be your support, friend and confidant over the nine-month period.

A doula is not medically trained, and therefore is not a substitute for a doctor or midwife. There are two types of doulas: birth and postpartum, although some carry out both services. You can use a doula as a friend during pregnancy; they will give you advice, help you out when you are struggling and will come up with a labor plan with you. They are ideal for expecting mothers who don’t have a partner.

During birth, a doula will be present to offer relaxing breathing techniques, to keep you talking and distracted, and to help you move into different positions throughout labor. And in postpartum, they can provide you advice and support in those first few weeks of motherhood.

Midwife

A midwife is, of course, the person who will deliver your baby alongside a doctor. They are medically trained and can perform gynecology exams, conduct ultrasounds, provide you with painkillers throughout labor ,and advise you on which method of birthing to choose.

A midwife’s primary duty is to provide medical care for pregnant women, to detect any abnormalities or medical issues throughout pregnancy, and to perform emergency procedures when necessary.

Unlike doulas, midwives undergo training, education, and clinical work experience before becoming certified.

Do I Have To Choose?

As discussed, both of these professionals have their own merits and benefits for an expecting mother. A doula acts as a friend, keeping you calm and informed throughout the pregnancy and helping you decide what your best options are for birthing, while a midwife offers medical care and looks after the well-being of you and your unborn child throughout pregnancy. They teach prenatal classes and perform medical procedures.

You can choose to have both of these aids present throughout pregnancy because they both offer something that the other cannot. Having trained professionals like these present throughout the nine-month period will put your mind at ease and allow you to enjoy your pregnancy and birth. They can also make your life easier as a parent once the birth is over.

Source for photo above, click here.

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Money Myths That Cost Single Parents Greatly

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Maintaining financial health is hard work at the best of times, but it can be especially difficult when you’re a single parent. After all, those life commitments could stop you from landing the dream job while the costs of bringing up children continue to rise each year. In truth, it doesn’t make things easier when you fall into the common traps.

A better understanding of the full picture gives you a far better chance of keeping your head afloat. Here are some of the commonly perceived problems, along with the best ways to overcome.

Myth 1: It’s You vs the World

Splitting up from a partner is emotionally difficult, and it’s only natural to concentrate on yourself and the kids. This is perfectly normal from an emotional standpoint. Regarding the financial outlook, though, help is at hand. Whether it’s support for medical bills, grocery shopping, or anything else, you are entitled to this assistance and should not feel any guilt in taking it. This is one of the reasons you paid those taxes throughout your working life.

In addition to the help provided from the state and discounts from businesses, you deserve support from your ex. Even if you ended the relationship acrimoniously, the children remain a joint responsibility.  If you can’t work this out between you, legal advisors are there to help. In the meantime, nonprofit credit counselors can assist with other decisions.

Myth 2: Poor Credit = No Hope

When you become a single parent, it is very easy to fall behind on bills. Sadly, it only takes a short amount of time for your credit rating to be badly hit. While you should make the necessary moves to start repairing that broken score, it will take some time to get back to where you once were. However, that doesn’t have to stop you from gaining temporary relief. Let’s face it: the immediate future is where most of those problems lie anyway.

Adjusting to life as a single parent can take a few months. Small pay day loans can help you get through those difficulties even when your credit score is poor. It may be that you can survive without that support. Nonetheless, knowing that the safety net is there can make a world of difference to your frame of mind. During this time, peace of mind is probably the most important weapon at your disposal.

Myth 3: Luxuries are Off Limits

 As a single parent facing financial fears, getting your priorities in order is essential. Repaying debts and keeping the household afloat should be job one. However, it’s equally important to remember that life is for living, too. You and your children deserve happiness, which is why it’s vital that you avoid overlooking the need for treats.

With a little creative thinking, it’s still possible to take a winning vacation when funds are a little tight. Otherwise, camping trips and cheap days out, including walks and picnics, can be equally fun. First and foremost, it’s a key aspect of giving your children the upbringing that they deserve. In reality, that special time together is what will get you through the tough emotional patches also. You are doing a great job, and those magical moments are your just rewards. Do not forget it.

 Myth 4: Working Is Pointless

Being a single parent does throw a spanner into the works regarding your career. Time constraints mean that you’ll either need to work part-time hours or hire a babysitter. Meanwhile, working may sometimes force you to sacrifice certain entitlements. In turn, this can leave you feeling that working long hours for minimal financial gain offers very little benefit. It’s not all about finance, though, and the emotional rewards and setting an example for the kids should not be ignored.

Depending on your location, it may be possible to find alternative employment that doesn’t impact entitlements. This means that you’ll see the full financial rewards of hard work. Otherwise, you could look at the prospect of starting a home-based company. There are thousands of inspirational single parents out there who have done the same. Whatever you do, losing that ambition altogether is never the solution.

Myth 5:  Small Savings Are Futile

If money is tight, regardless of your relationship status, you often enter panic mode. Therefore, you’ll almost certainly try to find the big changes that could generate huge financial influences. While these elements are vital, you must also acknowledge that the small switches often make the greatest impact. This is especially true when it comes to spending.   

Trade your contract cell phone for a Pay-As-Yo-Go deal. Remove your expensive TV package and buy a Netflix subscription instead. Run a price comparison on electricity bills or home insurance quotes. Those simple tricks may not feel hugely significant on their own. Cumulatively, though, they can completely transform your financial health. Better still, those saving habits will follow you for the rest of your life.   

Myth 6:  The House Is Everything

Keeping hold of assets clearly has advantages, and possessions don’t come more valuable than the home. However, it’s only a property, and downsizing isn’t the end of the world by any means. Paying extraordinary running costs when you could be just as happy in a smaller space is very foolish. Besides, starting a new chapter can often be emotionally attractive for newly single parents.

The newer, smaller property might not boast the same financial value. But the capital this move frees up could make all the difference as you aim to keep the kids fed, clothed, and happy. There’s nothing wrong with staying in the old marital home if you can afford to. Ultimately, though, suffering for the sake of a few bricks is not the answer. There are far more important things in life, and seeing your children smile is one of them.

Source for calculator Image: above.

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Hidden Wonders of America

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America is an incredible place to visit; and if you find yourself exploring the land of the brave and the free, do yourself a favor! Forget the main tourist spots like Orlando and New York. While they each have unique wonders, you’ll be missing out on the true secrets of this wonderful country. To be honest, there’s a little slice of brilliance in each incredible state, but we’re just going to pick some of our favorite experiences that you might not have heard of.

Broadway, Here I Come

As promised, we’re skipping New York. Instead, it’s time to head to Nashville, where you will find Broadway and a rather different kind of road than the one you’ll discover in NYC. Broadway in New York is all about the theatre. In Nashville, it’s all about the music. The best part of this dazzling section of the city is that you can’t walk more than a couple hundred yards without hearing a different type of music echoing from a club or bar. It is an incredible amalgamation of different sights and sounds, which needs to be seen to be believed. There are lots of places to experience types of musical culture in America, such as the jazz bars in New Orleans. But only Broadway in Nashville bring them all together on one street.

Forget The Highway

Instead, seek out the incredible Route 66. You’ll find it runs from Chicago all the way to California. The roadway has fallen into a state of disrepair as of late, but it’s still the ultimate choice; and it is packed full of small sights and things to do that all add up to a remarkable American experience. You’ll see old neon motels, country diners and places that you would never find in a tourism guide. Even so, these places are worth visiting to experience old America in all it’s former glory.

 

Garden Of The Gods

We’re not really sure how best to describe this forgotten beauty of America, except perhaps, paradise? The name fits the location beautifully with towering rocky peaks and gorgeous sweeping meadows. To get the best glimpse of this wonder, you must visit just as the sun begins to fall below the mountains. You’ll find this little wonder in Colorado. It is home to incredible, ancient cave etchings as well as fire rings from 3000 years ago. If you take a trip here, you’ll also be journeying deep into the past.

 

Take That Niagara Falls

If you have your heart set on visiting a beautiful, monstrous waterfall, you might plan a trip to Niagara Falls. Instead, you should head to Washington. There you will discover Palouse Falls. It is a truly stunning waterfall with a 180 ft drop that plunges deep into a bowl-shaped valley. Truly stunning, daredevils have been known to take the plunge down the falls into the lake below. We wouldn’t recommend it though. 🙂

Are you ready to go out and explore some of these gems of America? We hope so. Add yours to the list in the comments below. 

flag photo above (sourced here)

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Family Finance Failures: Where Could You Be Going Wrong?

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Being a single parent often means that every decision for the family is solely on one pair of shoulders, and it can be quite overwhelming and pressure to ensure that we make the best decision for all concerned. Finances are just some of those burdens and decisions we all have to face, whether a single parent or not, and often they can be depressing as well as making us feel like we are scratching for every dime we have. But, it doesn’t have to be this way. We all have family finance failures, and in some cases, we can continue to make the mistakes over and over again. I thought I would share with you some of the most common issues any one of us can face, and hopefully offer you a few tips to help you take steps to financial success.

It can all start with you

Often some of the bigger financial failures we can all experience start with us, and mostly that can mean debt. However, debt isn’t always a bad thing; but if it isn’t manageable, then it could be causing more harm than good to your credit profile. If you feel that your financial past is significantly impacting your financial future, then it may be time to take action and seek the help from websites like creditrepair.company. Specialists in the field can help to repair any damage to your history that can then ultimately help you move forward with your finances, offering you a little breathing space with your outgoings.

Now let’s tackle any debt we have

Once your credit file is on the mend, it is always worth placing a huge focus on any debts you may have. Of course, many of us can have a large debt like a mortgage; but this focus should be more on the smaller things like personal loans and credit cards. The more you have, the more interest you are paying; and in many cases, the rate can vary from one credit account to another. Look at your bills and focus on paying off the one that costs the most money, while still keeping up repayments with the others. Reducing the debt will ultimately free up income on a month by month basis. If you have the option, consider consolidating all of your debt into one monthly payment like a loan. A simple repayment plan with one lot of interest being charged.

Are we paying too much for our regular bills?

All of us are happy to pay out for the bills we need to run a home or keep us going, such as energy bills or insurance policies. But are we paying too much? When was the last time you checked a competitor company to see what they were offering? We can all get complacent with our bills, but what we fail to see is that loyalty doesn’t always pay off. So it is important to ensure that you compare other companies and switch providers if you can pay less for the same thing. It’s a no-brainer, and this one exercise can significantly reduce your outgoings.

I hope that this helps you to overcome some of the family finance failures we can all be dealing with.

calculator photo source

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Advice From Grandma: I Am Listening

Grandmas love to spoil grandkids and love to give advice. If some of you follow me on WOW! Women On Writing or Facebook, you know that I’m currently watching Gilmore Girls from episode 1 to the reunion show (exclusively for Netflix, that takes place 10 years later in good ole Stars Hollow). This is the best show for an example of “Grandmas love to give advice” because Emily Gilmore constantly shares her wisdom and her unwanted opinion with Lorelai, her daughter and mother of a teenager/young adult.

Don’t worry–my mom (thankfully) is nothing like Emily Gilmore; but when Katie was first born, she loved to share her advice. And daughters can be stubborn–Why do we not listen more? Most of the time, the advice is solid, comes from the heart, and can be quite true.

In my case, we lived with my mom the first 10 months of KT’s life, so that’s another reason why she often shared her opinion from: “You can’t let that little thing (her grandchild) cry it out” to “I never breastfed you. Why are you killing yourself to do this? Give it up.” So, we didn’t always agree on everything…but here are a couple of solid pieces of advice, where I think she is exactly right AND I want to pass on this wisdom to you.

  1. When I had you, I wish I wouldn’t have worried so much about my house being clean.   I have taken this one to heart. No, we don’t live in a pigsty, but I definitely don’t clean as much as my mom used to when I was  younger. I try to keep things neat as possible; but if my daughter seems like she needs my attention or something fun to do pops up, I will put cleaning aside for another day. The dirt is not going anywhere!
  2. Meals time should not be stressful. My mom did not force me to eat food I did not want to eat. Now some of you might not agree with this philosophy–and you take this stance instead: Kids will eat if they are hungry enough. But I have raised Katie like my mom did me, where food is concerned. Is she the best eater? No. But she does eat a variety of fruits and vegetables, and we are adding to her main dishes all the time. Recently, without complaint we added to her diet: salad, pasta salad, Morning Star veggie patties and turkey (she ate this before but she would complain). As I grew older (once I hit first grade like my daughter is now), I started eating more foods, and now I eat just about anything (within reason). So at mealtime, I give her food I know she will eat. I add foods every once in a while–she must try it and rate it, but  I make sure there is other food on the plate that she will eat. By the way, 9 times out of 10, she tries the new food before eating anything else.
  3. Enjoy every moment because they grow up too fast.  Not exactly original–I know…but it’s good advice. And I try to remind myself of it constantly because already it seems like I blinked and went from breastfeeding to driving her to school for first grade.

What advice do you take from your parents about their grandkids? 

 

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Family Fun in Fort Worth

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If you’re looking for an interesting place to take a vacation with the family in the US, Fort Worth, Texas, might not be your first, second or even third thought, but it is actually a great place for family fun.

Just take a look at these amazing family-friendly attractions that are located in the area to see why it’s a great choice when you have kids in tow:

Forest Park Miniature Railroad

For some reasons, kids just love trains, and they’re sure to love the Forest Park Miniature railroad, which has been entertaining families since 1959. When you hop onboard the mini-train for a fun-filled five-mile round trip through the Trinity Park and TCU Zoo area, you’ll be treated to spectacular views the whole family can appreciate.

SeaQuest Interactive Aquarium

The SeaQuest Interactive Aquarium In Fort Worth is an attraction not to be missed thanks to its distinct family vibe and the over 300 species of interesting marine life, exotic animals and tropical birds, many of which you can get up close and personal with. Educational and fun-filled, this is one attraction that, once visited, you will never forget.

Fort Worth Museum of Science and History

Image source

The Fort Worth Museum of Science and History was set up to provide amazing learning experiences for people of all ages. Within its impressive castle-like walls, you’ll find the awe-inspiring Noble Planetarium, where you can explore the expansive cosmos at leisure; the DinoDig, where you can dig for fossils, like a great archaeologist; and the Omni Theater, which has its own immersive IMAX Dome to spark the imagination and teach you about the mysteries of science and history.

Fort Worth Nature Center and Refuge

If your kids are animal lovers, they’re sure to enjoy a trip to the Fort Worth Nature Center and Refuge, which not only goes a long way to creating the Fort Worth of times gone by with its prairies, wetlands and forests, but which is also home to some pretty special animals, including imposing brown bears. You can hike the 26,000 acres (probably not all of it) at your own leisure, immersing yourselves in the beauty of nature on one of the many fantastic hiking trails within the Center.

Texas Cowboy Hall of Fame

Image source

The Texas Cowboy Hall of Fame is sure to be a winner with little boys, in particular. This museum of sorts is dedicated to preserving the memory of the state’s finest cowboys and cowgirls who were amazing at rodeo sports, ranching and basically being tough ole Texans. Of particular interest is the collection of Old West wagons and the Exploratorium, where children can learn a few cowboy skills of their own.

Fort Worth Zoo

Kids love zoos, and the Fort Worth Zoo will not disappoint them with its collection of exotic animals, including primates, rhinos and lesser flamingoes! You can easily spend the whole day here and never get bored.

Fort Worth really is a kid’s paradise. It’s wild, informative, and most importantly lots of fun. The little ones will love it.

Photo at the top from Flickr here.

 

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A Lesson for The First Time at the Ocean: Get to the Root Problem

This summer, Katie and I went on a fabulous little trip to visit one of my best friends, who has a condo in Ocean City, Maryland. And this was Katie’s first time to see the ocean. It was her first time on a beach. It was her first time to go into the ocean. And it was the least favorite part of her trip.

How can this be? I love the ocean. I receive energy and rejuvenation from the sound of the waves and the seagulls. The air feels crisp; and in spite of the sand, which I grant you can be an annoyance, I love the way it feels at the ocean.

And the first night, Katie did, too.

Ironically, there was a storm rolling in, and we only had a few minutes for the girls to play, but this was by far her favorite experience at the ocean.

The next day, when the storm had rolled on through and it was bright and sunny, we were in a different spot on the beach, the waves crested quite high, and they knocked her right off her feet. She didn’t like it. But somehow I convinced her, rather easily, that the next day, nearer to the condo, it would be better, and so she trusted me and stayed excited to go in the ocean.

I probably don’t have to tell you that the next day, nearer to the condo, the waves knocked her over again; and this time, she was done. She had a full-fledged “I hate the beach” meltdown, and I couldn’t get her to do anything. I couldn’t get her to stop crying. I couldn’t get her to walk on the beach and look for seashells. I couldn’t get her to wiggle her toes in the sand or build a sandcastle. The only thing she wanted to do was leave the beach. Luckily, we were only 5 minutes from the condo, so we could easily do this; and after I tried and failed, that’s what we did.

But I was angry. This is not one of my best parenting moments. I didn’t want to leave the beach. I had been waiting for months (since we made these plans) to jump in the ocean with her and experience this with her. I had been waiting to enjoy one of the places I love that I don’t get to visit often, living in the Midwest, and I was ready to relax. None of that happened, and so most of my anger came from frustration that things didn’t work out the way I expected them to.

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! 

Once I calmed down and she did, too, I realized that I wished I would have handled the situation differently. It turns out her meltdown mostly came from fear–she was scared of the ocean. And let’s face it, the ocean is a big, scary place, where a lot can go wrong. And my anger wasn’t anger at her not enjoying the ocean, it was that I was disappointed it didn’t all go as planned–and that, my friends, seems to be where a lot of our anger and unhappiness comes from all the time.

When we decided to be parents, we also decided that a little person is in our care, and their needs come before ours. I made the right decision, of course, to take her back when she wouldn’t calm down, but I wished I would have found out sooner how she was reasoning and how scared she was, and maybe everything would have worked out differently. Maybe I could have convinced her to look for some seashells with me and had a contest to find the biggest or prettiest one.

So what did I learn? First, I learned that my daughter (and probably a lot of your children, too) have a reason for their behavior. Most of the time, they are not difficult for the sake of being difficult. They are scared, tired, hungry, worried, and so on. And if you can get to the root of the problem, maybe you can diffuse the situation somewhat by taking care of that root problem. Second, I have to watch my expectations. I am dealing with a six-year-old, super smart, strong-willed, beautiful child, and she is not going to like the same things I do. I don’t have to sacrifice everything I like because she might not, but I do have to be realistic in that some things adults just like better than kids.

It all goes more smoothly when I let go of expectations and just be.

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Siblings Sharing Spaces: How Can You Make a Joint Room Work?

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When you have a larger family or a smaller home, chances are your children may have to share a room. And while this can be a source of arguments and friction at times, there are actually plenty of good points to it as well. Young children can get scared sleeping alone, so having a sibling in the room with them can allow them to relax and sleep better. As they get older, space will become more of an issue, and you may need to move or extend your home to allow for this. But while they’re little, sharing is a great option. However, there are some things you may need to consider so that it’s a room that works for both children, who will likely have different personalities. Here are some points to bear in mind.

Creating a room to fit two personalities (link to photo)

Decide on The Color

If you’re lucky, you will be able to find a color that both kids love, show them some paint swatches, and see if you can come to a happy compromise. Otherwise, there are other options you could consider. For a really fun feel, why not split the room in half and paint each half in the color of their choice? If you didn’t want to go that bold, you could stick with white or another neutral and then let them choose their own accessories in colors of their choice. Another way is to pre-choose a selection of colors that work well together and allow each to choose from this. That way you know that both will complement, and each child feels as though they have gotten some input.

Show Both Personalities

As well as choosing their own color, there are other decisions they could make too, which would bring in their personality. How about choosing their own bedding or their own soft furnishings and accessories , like prints and art? They could each have a shelf and decide how they want it to be displayed. Doing this helps each child to connect with the room, and enjoy using it, even though they are sharing. If you encourage kids to reach a agreement in some places and let them choose their own styles in others, you will create a bedroom that both will love.

Use The Space Wisely

The reason your children are probably sharing in the first place is that you don’t have a huge home with lots of space. But with two kids (who are known for owning far too much stuff), it can be a struggle making things work in a fairly small room. The key to getting this right is finding the right storage. You can do this by utilizing wall space with shelves, finding the right furniture, and even choosing the right beds. Sites like Cuckooland have tons to choose from. If you go with a bunk, you will save space; or you could choose cabin beds with storage underneath. Instead of two wardrobes, you could buy one larger one and split it in half, which could save on floor space. Tall sets of drawers provide lots of storage without using too much floor space. Use baskets and bins in cupboards and drawer dividers in drawers–it will make the absolute most of the room you have and allow you to stay organized. Have a think about what would work best in the room, and the kind of storage each child will need. Most people will need a bedside table, a set of drawers, and a wardrobe for example.

Divide It Up

If the room is fairly large, there are ways you could create some division to the room. This is especially important as children crave more privacy as they turn into teenagers, and it gives them the feel of their own space. You could use a curtain or a large bookshelf. You could even have a room divider screen fitted. If you’re not in a position to extend or renovate your home, this could be one way to keep both children happy while you’re all under the same roof.

Creating a shared bedroom for siblings can be tricky, but if you allow them to get involved and ensure both of them have a say about how the room looks, it will be a space they both enjoy and can hopefully live harmoniously in for many years to come!

 

Have you had to deal with a shared bedroom dilemma? How did you overcome any difficulties, and what tips would you give to parents in the same position?

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Self-Love: Stop Apologizing For Who You Are

One day, when I was feeling upset, I wrote this Facebook status:

A very wise person said to me: the only thing that is wrong with you is wondering what is wrong with you. I am done apologizing for who I am. There, I said it. Please hold me to this. I’m counting on you. We should all feel this way. I think anyone who has been through big life changes–divorce, parenting, breakups, marriage, job, death–you can lose yourself and wonder what is wrong with you. I am also a people pleaser, so I wonder if I even know who I am…

As soon as something goes wrong in my life, my thinking is: what’s wrong with me or what did I do wrong? This is not helpful thinking. Sure, it’s always good to assess situations and learn from them, and I’m sure that often mistakes are made–by both parties.  But I can really obsess like the best of them over things like:

  • I texted first one too many times.
  • I wore the wrong shoes.
  • I talked to strangers.
  • I wanted to sing karoke.
  • I get up at 5:30 am.
  • I like plans and schedules and calendars.

We can become so obsessed over minor, unimportant details that make up who we are. I do this all the time. Yes, I like to binge watch terrible shows. No, I don’t like to only drink beer. Yes, I can be loud and interrupt people. No, I don’t like to go out without make-up on. We are all made up of wonderful, interesting, annoying, and quirky personality traits that someone won’t like. We find ourselves apologizing for these. (I do anyway.) We wonder why we can’t be perfect, like Friend A or Acquaintance B. And I’m stressing the word, WE, because when I put this Facebook post up, it received a lot of comments, many were from people who were feeling the same.

” I had a friend yesterday tell me that I need to believe in myself more and be confident in my skill. She’s right.”

or

“I had a similar UGH moment a couple weeks ago! https://www.homewithkristen.com/new-blog/2017/6/21/you-do-you ”

or

“Thanks for this. I was at an event last night and started really feeling insecure and self-doubting. Just felt like a total loser compared to the other people there. Self-esteem today was so low, and I texted a friend to try to feel better. She reminded me that everyone else at that event also has demons to battle, scars they hide, and their own problems, even if it didn’t show last night. Sometimes you just need that reminder that NOBODY is perfect, and everyone has issues.”

Why do we do this to ourselves? 

Social media does not help with this issue because most of us share ONLY our glory moments. Sure, I’ll share my cute daughter at the state fair or her first day of school, but not so much sharing when she’s having a major meltdown over an art project. And everyone’s an expert these days with headlines, like: 10 Ways to Get a Guy.   How to Be a Great Friend.  Lose Weight Without Trying. And so on…look at the bio on some of these writers–they might have some good ideas, but they have zero qualifications to be an expert OR to tell you that anything is wrong with you!

I’m not advocating that we don’t self-assess, try to improve or work on making our relationships the best they can possibly be. But while we are doing that, we must also practice self-love and that includes STOPPING the insanity of apologizing for who you are. And I’m going to go one step further and include: stop apologizing for who your kids/family are too. We are who we are. NO ONE is perfect. Everyone has issues. The only thing you really need to apologize for is: if you stop learning, growing, and working towards becoming a better version of the almost-perfect self you are now.

That’s my two cents. I’m going to step off my soap box now.

 

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